A Walk into Thoughts

Its a balmy summer night , and i was walking quitely next to my room mate.The streets were quite and cars were litreally vanishing into the far darkness.She has recently sprained her ankle and the walk was really slow , my pace had been greatly reduced.I was lost in my own thoughts mostly dwelling around or rather brooding over certain long time goals or aims of mine,when my roomate suddenly cried out "aaah",i quickly turned to look at her ,she seemed to have tread over a stone and her leg was hurting further ."tch tch ..shalini careful " I came out with lot of empathy , it had been nearly 2 months and she has been sufferin quite long with this leg.

I said "Its really sad i wish your leg would get better soon", she retorted sharply "why?", I was quite taken aback "what do u mean why?" "do u like suffering this way",
she askd me simply"who told you i feel bad ,have you ever heard me grumbling about my leg?", I thought hard ,well she actually had never complained ! was she that stoic ,i shook my head "no i guess you have not ,but why didint you?"

"By complaining and grumbling i think i raise my karma level, I increase the negative vibrations about myself ,so well I never think that way",it seemed too simple but yet too big "you never grumbled? ",I can never worry about anyone ,she replied quitely "can you?",this was getting more intriguing 'well yes infact I do because I care for my parents and friends ,I worry when something goes wrong for them" ,

"Does it help them ? do you think it does, i never can ,but does that mean i dont care?" , How could i answer this,i said hesistantly"I dont know but I cant help worrying"
"That's the problem with me i cant worry for others ,I feel by being happy i help others and everytime i pray in the morning if we are worried then you cant concentrate even then"she stopped and her eyes seemed a bit lost " and if you were calm and composed and then you pray then those positive vibrations reach out to them shivani"
"i think by worrying we never help our near and dear ones ."
"Vibrations!! ,I had heard quite a lot of that for now .I could not possibly understand them.I never 'felt' the forces and what was all this energy stuff all about .But within me a small voice spoke out "had i never cared?","had my room mate given me a new perspective?",I believe that god is a great source of positive energy and what better way is there to get closer to him rather than to surround ourselves with positive energy?...Are we not part of god s energy jeevatma of the paramatma?

So why do i push myself farther away sometimes by doubting,by grumbling ,by worrying? Why do i? might be am struggling to strike a balance always.My room mate coughed ,I looked back ,she smiled knowingly "shivani dont get so confused your face seems so serious in thought ",I grinned "I am kind of thinking though ,you made me think thata way,I have never known vibrations shalini but i have known feelings gush through me like a raging river ,when some one bursts out laughing at my joke ,when some one says they could not have done this without me,when someone says they are proud of me,well i have found that i have actually surrounded myself with positive forces without realising it,to me might be worrying for others is a fulfilment of duty which actually makes me feel positive" ,she said "might be to you worrying is a kind of natural way to help be a part of it ,to reduce thier burden?,might be you do kind of lower thier burden by sharing it ",
"well when we need not be merely sympathetic, but empathy, i think people need that shalu",



"I think so might be ....".I had justified myself